At 12:24, while Detective Pastry was out of the room, Liberty Moose and I could talk more openly as we drank coffee derived from a vending machine in the cafeteria.
MOOSE: Do you remember when I mentioned an organisation called ‘The Painted Veil’?
BIRO: I do. Who are they? What do they do? Are they connected with the robbery? Why is this coffee so disgusting? Is it a criminal organisation? Has it anything to do with Hugh Pratt? … Read more
At 11:54, Detective Pastry and I were still interviewing Liberty Moose. This procedure involved the curator asking us a lot of questions.
MOOSE: So, Detective, you’re convinced the person who left this fish is not the Red Herring? Read more
At 11:13, Detective Pastry and I were sitting in the office of Liberty Moose, the curator of The Gallery of Nudes. She was now fully clothed in a designer pink and cream outfit that offset her cascading auburn ringlets and implausibly grey and piercing eyes. She was wearing so much jewellery I almost offered to help her carry it. Although I found her to be more beautiful than a suitcase of money, I also sensed she might be just as dangerous. Read more
As Detective Pastry sped through the busy London streets, lights flashing and siren wailing, I pondered my own mortality. In fact, I became quite religious when we zoomed through a set of red lights. I even started reciting the 23rd Psalm. Eventually the Renault screeched to a halt in the car-park of The Gallery of Nudes. Read more
I began my new job as Detective Pastry’s assistant the following Monday. It was then that Chief Inspector Fox filled me in on the requirements of my role.
FOX: Yes, you are to accompany Detective Pastry everywhere, in case he suddenly needs to Read more
When we were both out of hospital and Detective Pastry was once again keeping Britain safe from notorious master criminals, I was invited to his office at New Scotland Yard. Read more
While I was recovering from injuries I suffered during our previous session, Detective Pastry made the short trip from his ward to mine and apologized for his behaviour. He assured me he was feeling much better and was eager to get back to work as soon as possible. However, I was unnerved by his occasional lapse into a heavy French accent and by the way he kept peering under my bed as if expecting to find someone hiding there. Read more
Our next session took place in Detective Pastry’s private room at an undisclosed London hospital while he was recovering from injuries he received at the end of our previous session. Owing to a misunderstanding, Pastry has been barred for life from The Watered Down pub in Chelsea. He began by reading out a prepared statement. Read more
Two days after our first session, Detective Tony Pastry and I again rendezvoused at ‘The Watered Down’ pub to discuss the time when he very nearly caught the ‘Red Herring’. Incidentally, readers are invited to ask the great man their own questions which I can put to him in future sessions.
My name is Ivor Biro. I am a freelance writer. You may have read my recent book called The History of Hungarian Rug-Weaving from 1746 to 1914. It was almost a bestseller. And Read more